Life.

Did you ever put your heart, soul and mind into something and work extremely hard to achieve it but in the end it just backfires? Have you ever put so much into something but people don't see it because someone goes to them with some sort of talent and sacrifices don't even begin to matter anymore. Even the results of things aren't always positive. I guess that's just life, you don't always get what you want. 

No matter what you do behind the scenes, or even in front of them. People may not appreciate it. And these people always generalize, using words like " never " or " always " just because they don't see what you do or see it very few times. People sometimes even leave or turn their back on you. 

Sooner or later, you just find yourself giving up on the things that matter most or don't put in any more effort. You panic for awhile and try to get things back on track but then you get tired again, you sink in deeper and the cycle continues. 

Life sucks. People eventually die. And that's just all to it sometimes. Whether or not you want to make the best of it really is a choice to make. 

The past 3 months has honestly not been easy. Emotional roller coasters throughout, massive mood swings, insecurities at an all time high. I could have a really good day but end up crying all through the night, and vice versa. It's been really tough, especially putting on a fake smile and front, convincing everyone around me that I am absolutely fine.  Heck some times I really fake it so well I almost convinced myself too. The only thing I didn't fall back to doing was smoking, because a special someone told me to stop. Even though she is no longer talking to me much anymore. But everything else... I fell back into the pit deeper and more exhausted than ever. And I started to screw my life up. Studies, friends, family. Even the thing I love the most. It's crazy how so many things has changed just over the past 3 months that I don't even know who I am anymore. Trust has also become an issue.

Too much hurt and disappointments, that were mostly my fault. Too much pain emotionally that prolonged till it hurt physically. Too much mess and drama created to get out of. Too many voices in my head that I can't shut them up. Too many nights spent thinking about people who probably don't give two fucks about me anymore. 

If it hurts, bleed it out on this guitar

I'll translate all these emotions into song writing. I'll bleed it all out on my guitar. I'll still keep on fighting, not going to give up on life just yet. There are still people I care about that I'm not willing to say goodbye yet. I'll still continue to learn to love others and myself no matter who they are or what happens. Because what I learnt about love, I learnt from that one person who inspires me so much. If you happen to see this, you know I love you so so much.