Toxic Relationships

So its been the longest time since I blogged and I am finally out of my hiatus - well at least for now. I know this topic might be heavy, or you may feel that this truth may hit you hard. But here are just my two cents worth. Do bare with me and carry on reading (:

So, there are a few levels when it comes to this.

1. Idolization 

The first level: relationships between you and an " idol " you look up to. This person can be an actor/actress, musician, youtuber etc. Sometimes this person is a good influence for you, you find yourself changing for the better, you learn life lessons from them. But there are always two sides to every situation. Just as looking up to idols has its pros, there are definitely cons. Trust me, when it comes to these kinda things I do know how it feels. I have had my fair share of having toxic relationships with idols. When you start questioning your self-worth because you can't be like this person; when you feel that the time, effort and money you invest into them isn't enough. When you start missing this person and you almost always feeling down because of this person. Going for every single event or gig ( or most of it ) hoping you'll " mean something " to these idols. Even if it just means that they recognize you in a crowd of people. 

2. Friendships

The second level: relationships between you and the people you surround yourself with - your friends. As hard as it is to accept, yes friendships can be toxic too. Signs of it being toxic? Well.. You find yourself asking if everything you do for them is worth it, you find that its always one sided when it comes to you being there when each other are down. You find out that they are two-faced - in front of you they are nice and friendly ( probably because they want something from you ) yet behind your back they say all kinds of nasty stuff and even try to to " spoil your name " with other people whom know you as well. Yes, its hard to admit to yourself and its even harder to let it go completely. But sometimes when you've a lot on your plate already, the last thing you need is toxic friendships. Sometimes letting go is better than holding on

3. Relationships

The next level: relationships between you and your other half. Ok honestly I don't really know much about this because I've only been in 2 relationships but I feel the need to talk about this seeing some of my friends going through it. For starters, if you two cannot be truthful with each other its probably already a sign that the relationship is toxic. From what I know, whether or not its for the " better good " that your other half does not know is not up to you to decide. The truth hurts yes, but its always better than a lie. I've seen how lies have torn relationships apart or even drive people to do things that would hurt the other party even more.

" If you wanna get well you gotta be stronger than this "

At the end of the day, toxic relationships with anyone at all, does more harm than good. ALWAYS. I am thankful that I've friends who've helped me realized this and I am immensely grateful to the true friends that I know I can trust and be vulnerable with. I've learnt over the years that in life you don't need to have a ton of friends, but just a handful whom you know won't betray you is way more than enough. I've so much more to say about this but I shall leave it for another blog post. 

Thankful

So I haven't blogged in the longest time. Been busy with tons of stuff, but just thought I'd do an update. So many things have happened since my last post - stopped going to church, lost some very close people, made some mistakes, screwed a lot of things up, learning life lessons the hard way etc. And even though there has been so many down moments, there definitely has been the most heartwarming and thankful moments that keep me going through the tough times.

It's been a hell of a ride, and it definitely hasn't been a bed of roses. But it;s through these experiences where I've met people whom I know I can trust 100%, people who understand how I felt when I thought I was all alone, people who never stopped believing in me even when I stopped believing in myself. The trust from some people towards me really taught me so much, especially when I am one with a ton of trust issues. I've also learnt to look beyond the surface when interacting with and getting to know people. Everyone has their own stories, their own down times, their own struggles. Smiles and laughters can all be faked. And don't just look at people a certain way because of the way they are on social media because its a very superficial platform as well. Take me for an example - my social media is all " fine " and " happy " but there are definitely not so pretty things that I no longer share so openly. 

Someone said to me...

" When you learn to look at people for their hearts, you'd find good people. Because you have a good heart, you'd definitely find good people if you keep going at this place. "

I am learning, every single day. Learning how to be a better me, a better version of me. And I just want to say THANK YOU to the people that inspire me, you know who you are. Thank you for always being there, and knowing when I am feeling down even when I don't say anything and it's just by the way I text. 

 "We can't change the hand of cards that we're dealt with in life, but we can choose how to play the cards we're given. Choose with care and couth "