Toxic Relationships

So its been the longest time since I blogged and I am finally out of my hiatus - well at least for now. I know this topic might be heavy, or you may feel that this truth may hit you hard. But here are just my two cents worth. Do bare with me and carry on reading (:

So, there are a few levels when it comes to this.

1. Idolization 

The first level: relationships between you and an " idol " you look up to. This person can be an actor/actress, musician, youtuber etc. Sometimes this person is a good influence for you, you find yourself changing for the better, you learn life lessons from them. But there are always two sides to every situation. Just as looking up to idols has its pros, there are definitely cons. Trust me, when it comes to these kinda things I do know how it feels. I have had my fair share of having toxic relationships with idols. When you start questioning your self-worth because you can't be like this person; when you feel that the time, effort and money you invest into them isn't enough. When you start missing this person and you almost always feeling down because of this person. Going for every single event or gig ( or most of it ) hoping you'll " mean something " to these idols. Even if it just means that they recognize you in a crowd of people. 

2. Friendships

The second level: relationships between you and the people you surround yourself with - your friends. As hard as it is to accept, yes friendships can be toxic too. Signs of it being toxic? Well.. You find yourself asking if everything you do for them is worth it, you find that its always one sided when it comes to you being there when each other are down. You find out that they are two-faced - in front of you they are nice and friendly ( probably because they want something from you ) yet behind your back they say all kinds of nasty stuff and even try to to " spoil your name " with other people whom know you as well. Yes, its hard to admit to yourself and its even harder to let it go completely. But sometimes when you've a lot on your plate already, the last thing you need is toxic friendships. Sometimes letting go is better than holding on

3. Relationships

The next level: relationships between you and your other half. Ok honestly I don't really know much about this because I've only been in 2 relationships but I feel the need to talk about this seeing some of my friends going through it. For starters, if you two cannot be truthful with each other its probably already a sign that the relationship is toxic. From what I know, whether or not its for the " better good " that your other half does not know is not up to you to decide. The truth hurts yes, but its always better than a lie. I've seen how lies have torn relationships apart or even drive people to do things that would hurt the other party even more.

" If you wanna get well you gotta be stronger than this "

At the end of the day, toxic relationships with anyone at all, does more harm than good. ALWAYS. I am thankful that I've friends who've helped me realized this and I am immensely grateful to the true friends that I know I can trust and be vulnerable with. I've learnt over the years that in life you don't need to have a ton of friends, but just a handful whom you know won't betray you is way more than enough. I've so much more to say about this but I shall leave it for another blog post. 

Thankful

So I haven't blogged in the longest time. Been busy with tons of stuff, but just thought I'd do an update. So many things have happened since my last post - stopped going to church, lost some very close people, made some mistakes, screwed a lot of things up, learning life lessons the hard way etc. And even though there has been so many down moments, there definitely has been the most heartwarming and thankful moments that keep me going through the tough times.

It's been a hell of a ride, and it definitely hasn't been a bed of roses. But it;s through these experiences where I've met people whom I know I can trust 100%, people who understand how I felt when I thought I was all alone, people who never stopped believing in me even when I stopped believing in myself. The trust from some people towards me really taught me so much, especially when I am one with a ton of trust issues. I've also learnt to look beyond the surface when interacting with and getting to know people. Everyone has their own stories, their own down times, their own struggles. Smiles and laughters can all be faked. And don't just look at people a certain way because of the way they are on social media because its a very superficial platform as well. Take me for an example - my social media is all " fine " and " happy " but there are definitely not so pretty things that I no longer share so openly. 

Someone said to me...

" When you learn to look at people for their hearts, you'd find good people. Because you have a good heart, you'd definitely find good people if you keep going at this place. "

I am learning, every single day. Learning how to be a better me, a better version of me. And I just want to say THANK YOU to the people that inspire me, you know who you are. Thank you for always being there, and knowing when I am feeling down even when I don't say anything and it's just by the way I text. 

 "We can't change the hand of cards that we're dealt with in life, but we can choose how to play the cards we're given. Choose with care and couth "

Heart Is Full.

Supposed to be asleep but insomnia keeping me up so I thought I'd blog. Met a friend for breakfast this morning - spent about an hour to 2 hours with her but my heart is so full. I've always been one who always shared about things going on in my life to just about everyone, but as I grew older things happen and I changed - a little more withdrawn and don't share much. And even when I do, it may not be out of pure intentions. Today I really felt so loved and encouraged - I knew that I wasn't alone in this. Shared about life, shared about our experiences and just being transparent with each other. I've learnt so much about love, life and even about God.

Mornings are never my thing - I'm always moody and I don't like talking. But today was different somehow. Sleep deprived but it was definitely worth it because today was the first time in a long while that I didn't break down or feel emotional at all, even now as I am typing this. My friend shared about what happened to her before, and I never really knew how much she's been through because I've always been attached to her and when we met in the past, it was always about me and me " complaining " about life and etc.Her stories really empowered me I guess and I started having ( a little ) faith again.

My heart is so full from today and I can only say how thankful I am that God placed certain people in my life. Slowly learning and coming back to He's First Love. Learning to break down these walls I've built around myself that I've been so scared to knock down. May I learn to see the purpose you've let me go through this phase and give me the wisdom to learn and grow from it.

" You make all things, Work together for my good. "

LOVE.

If you don't already know me, I've always been one who chased celebs - muscians, actors etc etc. And to be honest, I've put some of these "famous" people on a higher pedestal than my own friends. Scroll through my Instagram and more than half my posts are with celebs. It's been an issue for me the past 3 years. From just starting to know local celebs, to going crazy over 987 DJs, it then expanded to radio DJs in general. Not forgetting actresses and of course mainly, the local music scene. Not even gonna lie, I myself feel that I can get obssessed over chasing certain celebs. Its just a thing for me I guess. To crave for affirmation. And when these celebs they know and recognize you - that feeling you know you can't shake it off. I never noticed how out of hand it had been till writing this post.

But this post won't be about any celeb nor will it be me fangirling over people.

The past 4 months have been extremely tough for me. If you know why, you are one special person because I don't speak out much now. But yes, It's been the toughest season and I just had one of the roughest day ever - Sunday, 20 November 2016. 37 hours without sleep, had an emotional breakdown in church before 9 hours at work. It was a day I am glad its over. That feeling from yesterday spilled over to today. Woke up feeling worse than at night. But that isn't the main point.

Yesterday taught me so much. I've lost trust in people and am wary of anyone I know, especially those who try to break the walls I've built. I've built walls so high to keep others out, and now it keeps me in. I'm afraid of breaking these walls down, and even more afraid of people who attempt to break them down. Never liked being alone, but I've isolated myself for awhile now. But I am so thankful for friends who pull me back together whilst I'm falling apart. And it made me realize how much I've neglected the people I care about because I was so caught up chasing celebs. Broke down so hard yesterday and I felt so lost - Why was I feeling how I felt? Why was I even crying? What was happening to me? What's wrong with me? One thing led to another and I literally lost my mind. Thankfully, a close friend was there for me and she was encouraging me and gave me strength. I was a wreck. But still she didn't give up on me. For the first time in a long while, I felt loved. Her hug was so warm, it melted the ice cold heart of mine. And she's been the one that helped me through a ton all these years despite the mistakes I've made and the occasions when I hurt her.

Yesterday taught me to value my friends. That I should always be appreciative of the people who care about me. That I shouldn't keep focusing my time just on chasing idols but to really spend time with the ones close to me. I've always loved doing cards because I love receiving them, but just doing cards isn't enough I guess. A friendship has to be built based on trust and getting to know each other. And being vulnerable should never make one feel weak.

Yesterday taught me that I am loved. I've always felt left out, that I'm the odd one out, that I'm "extra", even if it's jut in my head. But she reminded me that I was loved, no matter how I felt or how much I blamed myself. It was what really pulled me back I guess.

Yesterday taught me that I need to learn to love myself. Ask anyone who knows me, and they will agree with me when I say that I've struggled with self love for the longest time. I have no trouble loving on others. I am more than willing to do anything or spend on gifts for the people I love and care about. But when it comes to myself? It's the total opposite. I can't even look at myself in the mirror for more than 5 seconds because I will feel disgusted at myself. I'm not even willing to spend on getting something simple like a pen for myself. I don't know why it has always been a struggle. Heck, I don't know if it's a good thing or a a bad thing. Someone important to me once said " You're one of the few people I know that is so selfless with such enthusiasm. I hope you never let that go. You've learnt to love others more than you love yourself and that's not an easy thing to come by. "  but if I guess you can't truly and fully love someone you love yourself right?

Treasure the people you love and care about - be it you friends, your family, or your other half. Because at the end of the day, they will always be the ones there for you and not those idols that you chase.

Moving On

Hey guys! So my past few posts have been rather emotional ones and was me having a heavy heart. But today's post I promise will be of a different note! Though it'll be a short one.

Moving on - 18 years, so many ups and downs. Been in a valley for the longest time, where words mattered so much, where actions of others proved to me that I could not trust, where people brought out the ugly side of me. I've had an issue where I would blame myself for everything, trying to fight for people who won't even move an inch for me, trying to console myself that some people will ALWAYS be worth it. 2 months ago, I started a drama - necessary nonetheless. At first I would wish that I just shut up, pretend I didn't know some stuff. But hey, I've learnt a lot from the whole incident. I still tried to savage the friendships, I still tried to make up for what I did, and people would continue to affect me, every single little detail mattered in life. To the point I felt miserable and even lost myself. I would get jealous just seeing pictures of these " friends " together and sometimes still tried to be there for them when I saw them feeling down. But still time and again I only got more scars and disappointments just kept coming. Looking back, I have no regrets.

Today, I am happy to say that I have finally moved on. Today, I can say I have completely let go of the relationship with these people. Today, I finally understood what letting go means. I no longer am bothered about these people who constantly lied to me. Yes, Sarrah has cried too many ( unnecessary ) tears over these people but she has risen above. I've never liked to give up on people or to give up from savaging any friendships. However as I grew older, I realized who were that ones that were worth it and those who just wanted to use me.

Yes, I still love easily and am not afraid to know new people. I just learnt to filter out some emotions and attachments to people, to open my eyes and see who are the true friends that I want in my life. Yes of course I've forgiven the people who've hurt me, but I am just going my separate way now. I have found myself again and will start over with all the lessons learnt. I'm also slowly opening up to people and I have a small group of people in my inner circle whom I am thankful for, with no strings attached.

Thank you to all my friends who have helped me through this phase of my life, I am eternally grateful x

Walk with your mind,
Run with your heart. 

Questioning myself

Do you ever feel that what you do is never not enough? Like giving your all to do something or going all out to support someone is just never ever enough even if you've already given it your best shot? You see everyone around you that's supporting that same person but it just seems like they are doing a better job than you are? They do nicer cards, they go for more events, they get nicer gifts and they just... Do things better than you do.

I am the girl that has a protective and strict mum. Honestly, many gigs and events I go to, are all without her knowledge because out of 10 times I ask if I can go, probably only 1 or 2 times the answer is actually a YES. And yea, I am someone that really has NO artistic talent for drawing or designing, even my handwriting sucks. But yet I still put in a lot of effort to do cards. None of the cards I have done took less than an hour. And yes, of course I ask myself why I put so much effort when I could use the time studying or catching up on my sleep. But I still put in that much effort even though it doesn't turn out as nice as the cards other people do because I know that at the end of the day, IT IS WORTH IT. I am a girl that spends more than she has, but yet still always tells herself to get at least SOMETHING for that someone even if it means going hungry for the next week.I am the kind of girl that will still take time to be appreciative and do cards for people who don't give two shits about me. I am that 18 year old girl that wishes to be able to do everything well, BETTER.

Sometimes you ask yourself why you still go all out and be appreciative towards people you love - friends, family, celebrities, idols. Sometimes you ask yourself if it's worth it. Sometimes you ask yourself why you're still on the face of the earth.

I am the girl that has been hurt and betrayed by her so called " friends ", one that still tried to trust people despite everything and ends up getting disappointed because the same people that you love and treasure, just continues to hurt you. I am that girl that has tried to close one eye when her " friends " go behind her back and bitch about her, lie to her straight in her face, one that valued friendship more than anything. People always took advantage of me, and soon I find myself building up walls, trust no longer comes by easily. Yes I am still that outgoing and friendly person when getting to know someone but things are completely different.

Sometimes I ask myself why I love so easily, why I trusted too easily. Sometimes I ask myself why I am the one people think they can get away with bitching about. Sometimes I ask myself, WHY ME?

People always come up to me and say " woah you are so close to so many celebrities " and sometimes I have random people coming up to me and saying " hey you're sarrahhearts right? " at the most random places and events. I've had my friends now " friends " telling me I should stop going after all these celebrities and learn to appreciate the ones close to me and that I interact with on a more frequent basis. They said I should learn to be more appreciative of them. Yes, I did build relationships with my loved ones, I even did cards on a frequent basis to show them I appreciated them. But it never seemed enough. Me being me, I continued talking to celebrities and things would just continue going downhill.

Some people make it their life's mission to tear you down. They don't care if you're their friend. They try to bring you down to a lower level. But the fact they try to do that, it means that they are below you so don't ever stoop down to their level. If they're really your friends, they wouldn't be two-faced with you. Some people if they've hurt or lied to you before, they WILL do it again. Learn to be the bigger person and forgive them but ultimately it is YOUR choice if you could continue trusting them or being friends.

People walking come and go, 

They don't know you, they're so cold. 

Insecurities, Overthinking, Love.

Some people don't understand how bad insecurities and overthinking can really do to a person. Most of the times, its these exact reasons that drive people to end their life, falling into depression is common too. Insecurities can be as small as thinking you aren't good enough or hearing a group of people laughing when you walk past and think that its something you did. And most of the time insecurities are there because of the actions of people, the words of people. Soon, you find yourself thinking the worst of yourself, assuming every negative situation is your fault. Overthinking. One thing leads to another and everything just snowballs and you will find yourself in a place where you don't even have any glimpse of hope or positivity in your life. 

Everything is fake. The smiles so wide, the laughs so loud. You convince everyone that you are doing fine, that you're ok, that nothing can bring you down. Heck, sometimes you fake it so well till you're convinced yourself. But once you are at home, when you are in your room, when you sit on that window edge every night to think. EVERYTHING and I mean everything just crashes. The floods of tears won't stop, the blood from the scars won't stop the emotional hurts, the voices in your head won't shut up - sometimes real words from the people closest to you. 

You lose friendships, you lose love, you lose trust, you lose faith, you lose hope, you lose everything. Including yourself.

Sometimes all you need is for people to see that behind everything, you're a broken girl. Like how this broken girl tries to be there for people who feel down or going through though times, she herself needs someone to be there for here from time to time to. Don't just shove it aside and tell her to learn to be independent. For all you know the reason she's going crazy and driving herself insane without telling anyone anything at all is because she's been trying to be independent, So when she does go to you, it really means shes at the peak of really giving up once and for all. 

You don't know what people around you are going through. That girl on the street with a smile on her face while out with her friends may be having problems at home, that guy you see drinking every night might be trying to run away from reality that he's facing problems at work. 

Be kind to one another, don't treat anyone else the way you wouldn't want to be treated. Learn to love and be kind to others even if they don't deserve it. Learn to forgive even though you'll never forget. Learn to be the one to apologize first even though you aren't at fault - it shows that you treasure the other party more than your pride. Be the bigger person. It's not easy I know, I myself am still learning.

People may not see your efforts and sacrifices, but you just gotta keep going. Do it because you love them and not because you want to gain their approval or recognition. Do it, For Love. And remember to always, always. Take Heart. 

To the person that inspires me so much, you're the one who taught me to learn to love. Your words are the ones that pushes me to stay strong and to keep fighting. Our stories are similar in so many areas, our personality and thinking are similar as well. You are the one that taught me too pursue my dreams. If you do happen to see this, thank you for  everything. For sharing me your life story though you didn't have to, for always being so encouraging to me whenever I am feeling down. For the random mini chats and messages we had. You're such a strong fighter and I only hope to be like you one day. I love you so so much. Don't ever doubt yourself at what you do because you've inspired so many girls out there and I am so grateful to have known you. 

Life.

Did you ever put your heart, soul and mind into something and work extremely hard to achieve it but in the end it just backfires? Have you ever put so much into something but people don't see it because someone goes to them with some sort of talent and sacrifices don't even begin to matter anymore. Even the results of things aren't always positive. I guess that's just life, you don't always get what you want. 

No matter what you do behind the scenes, or even in front of them. People may not appreciate it. And these people always generalize, using words like " never " or " always " just because they don't see what you do or see it very few times. People sometimes even leave or turn their back on you. 

Sooner or later, you just find yourself giving up on the things that matter most or don't put in any more effort. You panic for awhile and try to get things back on track but then you get tired again, you sink in deeper and the cycle continues. 

Life sucks. People eventually die. And that's just all to it sometimes. Whether or not you want to make the best of it really is a choice to make. 

The past 3 months has honestly not been easy. Emotional roller coasters throughout, massive mood swings, insecurities at an all time high. I could have a really good day but end up crying all through the night, and vice versa. It's been really tough, especially putting on a fake smile and front, convincing everyone around me that I am absolutely fine.  Heck some times I really fake it so well I almost convinced myself too. The only thing I didn't fall back to doing was smoking, because a special someone told me to stop. Even though she is no longer talking to me much anymore. But everything else... I fell back into the pit deeper and more exhausted than ever. And I started to screw my life up. Studies, friends, family. Even the thing I love the most. It's crazy how so many things has changed just over the past 3 months that I don't even know who I am anymore. Trust has also become an issue.

Too much hurt and disappointments, that were mostly my fault. Too much pain emotionally that prolonged till it hurt physically. Too much mess and drama created to get out of. Too many voices in my head that I can't shut them up. Too many nights spent thinking about people who probably don't give two fucks about me anymore. 

If it hurts, bleed it out on this guitar

I'll translate all these emotions into song writing. I'll bleed it all out on my guitar. I'll still keep on fighting, not going to give up on life just yet. There are still people I care about that I'm not willing to say goodbye yet. I'll still continue to learn to love others and myself no matter who they are or what happens. Because what I learnt about love, I learnt from that one person who inspires me so much. If you happen to see this, you know I love you so so much. 

Cards, Gifts and Appreciation.

I've always been a girl that loves to receive stuff. Be it a card, a gift or even a little note. That's partly the reason I love to do cards for others too. And my mum would always say: " You do so many cards for people, you yourself also don't get back much " and I admit, I do feel hurt some times when I don't get back any cards or gifts but what matters is THE THOUGHT THAT COUNTS right? Well, I am still learning to not expect anything in return la. I'm human and I'm not perfect right? Hahahah xD My mum would also always say that " You do for people, you think they will keep? Even if they keep, one day they will surely throw away. So you put in so much effort for what? " Well, I don't know about others but I have kept each and every card that has been given to me since 2009: Be it Christmas cards, Birthday cards, appreciation letters etc. The only reason I don't have someone's card is cause I misplaced it in my room. Somewhere... But I definitely won't throw away anything that was given to me.

It's Christmas again and I'm just so thankful for the people around me. As the years pass, I do get lesser cards. But today, I've learnt that being able to spend time with the people you love and treasure the most is so much more important than the cards and gifts. This Christmas, all I want is to be able to do just that with the people I love - spending quality time with them.

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!

Judgements and Words

I've neglected this space for 2 months and now I'm back with an issue that is affecting me quite a lot. This is just my point of view so please bear with me if you don't think the same way.

So I'm sure all of us judge people. That guy with a tattoo on the bus, the girl with really short hair, the person with a black face on the bus.  All of us will create an impression of people, no matter if they're strangers or someone we are getting to know. To me, I find that it is perfectly fine because I'd be lying if I said that I don't judge people. Of course it is best to not stereotype or judge others based on their appearances but no matter how hard we try, sometimes we are bound to make mistakes because afterall, we are human. However what really pisses me off is that towards people you get to know ( a friend or someone at a social gathering ) or someone you are supporting ( be it a musician, a blogger or a youtuber ) , sometimes people base it on that first impression they don't truly get to know the person better or understand the person and then they start thinking that oh, this person is this, this person is that... ALL BASED ON THAT FIRST IMPRESSION. Yes, I agree sometimes people need to change to give others a more accurate first impression of us. But shouldn't we as fellow human beings give others a chance at getting to know someone and understanding them?

Personally, I am the kind of girl that if I meet you for the very first time I am either 1) very hyper and sociable or 2) super awkward and don't talk to you at all till a later time or 3) super emotional, sensitive and all that comes out of my mouth are negative stuff. Call me fake, call me two faced or call me moody. All of us have times we behave differently in different situations. Lets take scenario 1 as an example: I'm very hyper and sociable. Those who like it will start questioning me when I am emotional and say " you weren't like that when I first met you " and those who don't? They won't even bother to get to know you better as they already dislike you just because you're " different "
Like come on guys, everyone has times when they behave differently. No one is happy for their entire life. Similarly, no one is perfect that they don't ever commit mistakes.

This brings me to my next point. Mistakes. We are all human. We all are bound to make mistakes. Famous or not. Rich or poor. Male or Female. EVERYONE makes mistakes at least once in their lifetime. Some mistakes more serious then others, but no doubt are still mistakes. A girl cheating on her boyfriend VS a husband cheating on his wife. Both are the same mistake in 2 different situations with 2 different severity and consequences. Does that mean one should be pardoned and the other punished? No. In both situations, those who commit the mistake must face the music. So. Mistakes. Recently, Naomi blogged about how she cheated on Jianhao that was part of the reason they broke up and it sparked a really huge commotion. Like yes it's probably her fault but at least she had the courage to actually step up and admit it. And also, she isn't the only girl in the world that has cheated on someone. So why is it that when others do it its just a small number of people criticising them. But when a famous blogger does it, it's suddenly such a big deal. A blogger but no doubt human too. It's not like she's God or that she's perfect. So give it a break. And also, stop tweeting " are you going to get back with Jianhao if you have a chance? " or " but you two were so cute together. " There's always a phase for everything. Just like some people will be in your life now but probably not in the near future. So similarly, don't put your so called expectations on this. And then start judging them when they don't reach that expectation.

People don't realise that their words mean weight to others. A simple " oh I thought you were better than this " can really stay with a person forever. The person will start putting pressure on herself and start comparing herself up others and will feel inferior if she thinks she's worse off than others. Once, someone told me " Everyone will have have someone in their life for tough times. But you? No one will ever be there for you. " 4 years ago. Till now, it still haunts me and I do look down on myself because of that sentence.

To everyone out there, don't judge a book by its cover. It's cliche but it's so true. Learn to love others. Learn to listen. Learn to get to know someone. Truthfully. Sincerely. Without any judge mental eyes because judgements you based on first impression can be significantly different from who they really are.

I must've called a thousand times 

To tell you sorry for everything that I've done 

Suicide

Today is World Suicide Prevention Day and it is really frightening to even have such a day because of the amount of suicide cases have been growing. Even if it's just one suicide case, it is such a tragic thing as people end their lives or attempt to end their life be it because of stress, pressure, problems or insecurities.
If you have not heard, there is a suicide awareness campaign by Samaritans of Singapore. Throughout the day, there were volunteers at various MRT stations across Singapore were giving out plasters with the words #howru .

 

Many local icons and artistes has taken part in this campaign such as Benjamin and Narelle Kheng from The Sam Willows, Mediacorp actress Oon ShuAn and Jayley Woo and many others like Shigga Shay and Hirzi.These people are well known and used their influence and the fact that people look up to them to help spread awareness and support this campaign.

 

Suicide so real to me

Personally, I have been struggling a lot with depression, suicide and hurting myself. I was bullied in primary school, ostracized and left out in secondary school with loads of rumors that made me look like the bad person and to add on, the stress of studies and pressure from teachers and at home didn't help. To make things worse, so many people especially those I held so dear and treasured so much and treasured so dear left. One by one I saw them leave as they stopped caring and stopped understanding why I was who I was. It was crazy to cope with everything. And I turned to the knife. Everyone saw it as attention seeking and as it was easier to say it was then to admit I was really hurting and everyone just brushed it aside. Even up till now in Poly I still struggle with it every single day. Thankfully I've been blessed with friends and people who cared and continued to help me through the tough times and never gave up on me no matter how negative I was, no matter how emotional I am, even when I myself totally gave up hope. Even though sometimes these people left, I am still thankful that I had someone there for me. It isn't easy to go through all of this, it isn't easy to feel all alone in the world, it isn't easy with all those insecurities and pent up emotions. I know what it is like to go through shit. I've had my fair share of problems even though I go to school with all smiles. I know how it is easier to say "I'm fine" than "I'm hurting" because more often then not, people don't truly care or end up turning their back on you. Yes, I have turned to suicide and hurting myself so many times, even now. But I am staying strong. Now, I do things to make me happy and I look for inspirational quotes and remember what the people I hold so dear to my heart has told me to get me through. And I am also doing my best to be there for my friends through their tough times, no matter how they have treated me in the past or if I am close to the person or not.

 

 

Suicide is something so real yet often overlooked upon. A simple " How are you? " and showing concern to someone can make someone feel less alone and take their minds off things while getting a chance to let them share what they need to get off their chest.

If you've friends or family who has been feeling down lately or you know he/she is having a bad day, don't overlook it that " oh it's just life " or tell them that " everything will be ok " without understanding how they feet or what they are going through. Personally, I've been struggling with this for years and I'm thankful to be blessed with people who at some point of time really helped me through and inspired me to be a stronger and better person. And more often then not, we always brush aside these feelings be it for attention or just telling the person to look on the brighter side of life. It's much more than that. To everyone reading this, show your concern cause you never know what someone is really going through, and you might just save a life.

 

" Don't wait and wish that you could've changed things for someone; if you see someone you think is sinking, reach for them with everything you've got. "

- Benjamin Kheng

First Anniversary

Today is a special post just for the one and only.... The Sam Willows! xx Exactly a year ago, 13 August 2014, I got to know this amazing band - The Sam Willows , members are siblings Narelle Kheng and Benjamin Kheng as well as friends Jonathan Chua and Sandra Riley Tang. Last year they were up for the MTVEMAs and Radio DJs were tweeting and rallying the support for them. Being the curious me, I checked them out on Youtube and I got HOOKED to their original Glasshouse. After which I tweeted 300 tweets #MTVEMAs #NominateTheSamWillows (no joke). I have met these lovely and talented bunch so many times and my obsession over them and the photos I have with them, people don't believe I've only known them for a year. Though at some events I don't get a chance to take photos with them but it is really heart warming to even receive a hi from these guys. They are the funniest, quirkiest, loveliest and nicest people I know. They released their first EP way back in October 2012. They had the chance to meet Steve Lillywhite and added a new twist to their single Glasshouse with a Lillywhite Edition. This year they released new single Take Heart in May and will be releasing more singles leading up to their album launch in September (half of which was recorded in Sweden). They also have a concert coming up at the end of this year! WOOHOO!

President Star Charity

 #TSWSECRETSHOW

 Countdown to SG50

 Love is in the air @ Gardens By The Bay

 Sing, Love recording

 Botanic Gardens Jubilee Celebrations

Youtube Fanfest 2015

No group photo:

SEA Games Roadshow @ Orchard

2nd GGC @ Scape

NUS Rag and Flag Day

Scape Invasion @ Ngee Ann Polytechnic

These guys are the most amazing and talented bunch. If you ever say that Singaporeans has no talent I WILL SLAM YOU. These guys have received awards such as:

m:idea Youth Choice Award 2013 and 2014

City Nomads Awards 2015 - Best Local Musician in Singapore 2015

They have played at different parts of the world such as:

Muse Expo in Los Angeles

Los Angeles , Austin (SXSW)

Toronto, Canada Music Week

They have played at these huge events such as:

28th SEA Games Opening and Closing

NDP 2015

Opening for The Script Live in Singapore

Celebrate 2013 and SG 50 Countdown

IGNITE! Music Festival 2013 and 2014

Style x Style Asia Style Collection

F1 Grand Prix 2014

(they will be performing at this year's F1 Grand Prix too!"

THEY  WERE AN MTVEMAs NOMINEE LAST YEAR

 

That one time I appeared on their instagram teehee

If you don't already,

Like them on Facebook- The Sam Willows

Subscribe to them on Youtube The Sam Willows

Follow them on Instagram and Twitter @thesamwillows

Their personal accounts: @narellekheng @benjaminkheng @sandrarileytang @jonchuajx

I love you willows xx The Sam Willows, To Super Wonders!

" WALK WITH YOUR MIND, RUN WITH YOUR HEART "

The Special One.

Today, I will be sharing about someone very special to me and one whom I hold very close to my heart. This woman is none other than the very sweet and very lovely, Christabel Chua aka Bellywellyjelly!

I'm sure you have seen her around on my social media platforms and you probably know her as the one on a series called PrettySmart on YouTube for The Smart Local. So with this said, I shall start from the very first time I met this woman.

24 January 2015 - InstaWalk By The Smart Local x MND and NParks

So The Smart Local conducted an InstaWalk for Instagram users with special Influencers Sandra Riley Tang (@sandrarileytang) from The Sam Willows, Munah Bagharib (@munahbagharib) from Munah and Hirzi as well as Christabel Chua (@bellywellyjelly) who is The Smart Local's very own video princess. This was the very day I met Christabel after seeing her on Sandra's instagram for the longest time. It was the very first time I actually met her and probably followed her only 2 days prior to the event. But this friendly woman remembered me after I commented "see you there" on her photo and she came over and gave me a hug after saying hi with the warmest smile I have ever seen. I wasn't in her group but seeing her from time to time when my group bumps into her group and I would see her wide smile and her fascination over nature. HER SMILE IS ADDICTIVE!

  

So after this day I would see her on social media and slowly got to know her better and talked to her more often through these platforms. The main one being Snapchat. This woman posts the FUNNIEST and CUTEST snaps!!

So this brings me to the next time I met this lovely one.

17 April 2015 - Tamp 1 Fashion Week

So on this day, it was my second day of Poly orientation and I had activities at Jalan Bersar Stadium and ended at 6pm and her event was supposedly supposed to be at 6pm. However, she was stuck in a jam so when I reached around 7, she was only halfway through her event. The super sweet and lovely and friendly woman recognized me and came over to talk to me during her break and we took loads of photos but I shall only upload some because I look really bad in the rest :P

Psst... did I mention  that she got sushi for me after she found out that I haven't eaten

So I shall put the next 3 times together because I met her 3 times in 6 days teehee

29 May 2015 - Met her at Cineleisure for her Maybelline event. This was a day that was too coincidental. Supposed to go down at 6pm because her event was supposed to be till 7pm but school ended early so I reached around 4pm on that day and thought why not I go over earlier to surprise her? Just nice, I saw her leaving and apparently her event had already ended and I was like WAHHHHHHH. After which I followed her to find food and she got me a really yummy cookie from Ben's Cookies! She then had to go back to the office to do work and we talked about life while waiting for her Uber to arrive. We didn't take any photos on this day.

31 May 2015 - She was at Cineleisure for her Maybelline event once again and was gonna give a girl a makeover. However I could not stay for long and had to be home so I only stayed for like 5 mins? But managed to get a few photos before I left xx

3 June 2015 - So Bel had a starbucks event at Plaza Singapura and I went over after my exam. As I was VERY early, I studied for like 3 hours before she came as I had another paper the next day.  This woman was putting army camo on her face on snapchat and I was laughing so much. So she finally arrived and as she had her own starbucks creation, the bellywelljelly frappe - green tea latte add raspberry and java chip less swee, I got it and IT IS DELISH. So after which she had to walk around  so I just sat at a corner with some friends chit chat. Of course we took photos together! xx

AND JOAL WAS THERE TOO

And also, Bel took a photo with me with her phone on that day so I asked her for it and she didn't reply me on twitter, instagram or snapchat which made me worried that she didn't like me anymore but apparently.......

SHE SAVED IT FOR MY BIRTHDAY ON 9 JUNE xx

(She wished me on insta too when I dedicated a post to her few minutes before the clock struck midnight to my birthday xx )

10 July 2015 - BioDerma Event at Raffles City

So I met this woman after not seeing her for a month and I finally got to do the ostrich face photo with her that she LOVES to do hahahah 

This woman really inspires me so much. The way she lives her life so cheerfully, the way she can be vulnerable to others, the way she always takes the effort to go the extra mile for people. These are the type of friends I never ever wanna lose. Thanks for always being there for me through the tough times, encouraging me and giving me advice when I really need it, always knowing what to say at the right time, always loving on me though I have so many flaws. I could never ask for any thing more. Thank you for creating so many beautiful memories for me xx Love you dear xx Continue doing what you do and pursuing your dreams! Can't wait to meet you again!

" What is life if you don't spread some joy and laughter around? "

School and life

Started Poly life in April 2015 this year and from past experiences, I knew that I had to change or I will forever be alone in life  I told myself that whatever my friends pointed out they didn't like, I'll change. I stopped being attached to people, I stopped being hyper all the time, I stopped shouting people's names from across the hallway. Everything was fine. I had a clique, I had friends, I lead the life I've always wanted with friends by my side. One fine day, everything just changed. What I loved and treasured most just disappeared. Since then, everything just went downhill. Broke down in school almost everyday, went from looking forward to the weekends to looking forward when school ended, was alone for breaks most of the time unless I bump into people from church or secondary school. Everything went from being the sweetest dream to my worst nightmare. That was when I realized that that was life. and the only other option I had? Was death. Many times death seemed liked the easier option, that I no longer had to go through so much pain anymore. But every time, I told myself I have to continue fighting, that I couldn't let those who still cared for me down. Especially now amidst the busy and stressful period of project submissions, presentations and the upcoming Semestral exams, where everything is so overwhelming, where life seems to be crumbling down. It is during these times that I have to carry on fighting and hold close the people I love and treasure, the words of encouragement and the advice to keep on keeping on.

"Never let anyone dull your sparkle"